Just another set of 'deleted' scenes
by GunvaldRW
Summary: just as the title says.
1. Chapter 1

Though I'm a big fan of the KH games, I still wish I could've re-written some scenes or explained others. Well, this series of scenes is done only to be humorous and I mean no harm to the game's creators and own no one. If you'd like to review by all means that's fine or just read for hopefully a laugh or two.

KH2 'Deleted' Scenes

Rai: I don't know who you are but-

Sora: Oh that's okay, my talking cricket knows all about you. See it's all written in this little journal. Your full name is Raijin, you end every sentence with 'y'know,' you're part of the Twilight Town Disciplinary Committee, you…

Rai: Talking cricket? Seifer, this kid's giving me the creeps, y'know?

Sora: …you're from someplace called Final Fantasy V-I-I-I…

Seifer: I see what you mean, Rai.

Fuu: Leave?

Seifer: Sounds good to me, let's split.

Sora: …your name is based on…Hey, where'd everybody go?

* * *

Demyx (reading off small card): "If the subject fails to respond use aggression to liberate his true disposition." Man did they pick the wrong guy for this.

Sora: You're bizarre.

Demyx: Oh yeah, well you're short.

Sora: Oh you're going down now mullet head!

* * *

King Triton: We may need your help after all. You see, I'm afraid Ariel's still infatuated with the human world. A busy rehearsal schedule might be just what she needs to stop thinking about life up on the surface.

(Sora just nods and waits for Triton for leave)

(once Triton is gone)…Sora: He does realize I'm not usually dolphin-boy, right?

Donald: Well, how many textbooks did you read with a ductopus in them?

Goofy: Or a sea-dortle…uh, sea-dog…sea-dog-turtle?

Sora: Whatever, at least if I pick up some dance moves I know I'll beat Riku at the next limbo competition back on the Islands.

* * *

Sora: Hey, maybe we can take a pirate ship out for a spin!

….. (Twenty minutes later after 'commandeering' aforementioned pirate ship)

Donald, Goofy, & Sora (singing): Ninety-eight kegs of rum on the ship, ninety-eight kegs of rum

Sora: take one out…

Donald: drink it down…

Goofy: Ninety-seven kegs of rum on the ship

Sora: Hey guys, am I too young to be drinking this stuff?

Goofy:…well uh, maybe but

Donald: After everything you've been through, you deserve a drink.

Sora: uh…thanks? (the trio then resumes their drunken song)

* * *

Sora: Man, things must be really quiet with Genie gone.

Aladdin: Yeah, that's why I come here. The action-the people. There's always something' going on.

(Sora, Donald, and Goofy look around the empty streets of Agrabah)

Sora (in a hushed voice to Donald and Goofy): You guys see anybody?

(both shake their heads)

Donald: He's worse than Princess Jasmine thought.

Goofy: Yep, hallucinatin' people is a sign of a much more serious issue.

Sora: And I thought I had issues.

* * *

Axel: Every Heartless slain with that Keyblade releases a captive heart. That is what the Organization is…hey, you ever wondered why so many of us wear gloves?

Sora: Where did that come from?

Axel: Don't know guess I just realized how many of us wear gloves. I mean you, the dog thing over there, me, your mouse buddy, the rest of the Organization. It is a long list, Hero.

Saix (from somewhere off-screen): Axel!

Axel: Oh, gotta go!

Sora: Hey, wait a sec!

Saix: Don't worry he will receive the maximum-

Sora: Dude, I don't care, he just started rambling about gloves, why am I supposed to care? Wait a sec, is he the one who kidnapped Kairi?

(Saix nods) Sora: Why that b-

Donald & Goofy: Sora!

Sora: stupid Disney rule.

* * *

Sora: What do you guys really want?

Xaldin:…Kingdom Hearts. (pushes his hood down to reveal his face)

Sora: It's Wolverine…with braids! How'd you get here Wolverine?

(Xaldin seems offended and promptly pulls his hood back up)

Xaldin: And we all thought Roxas was slow?

* * *

Auron's voice echoes from above: Where is the sense in all this?...Your deaths will mean nothing!…You must live!

Sora: Well, that was creepy.

Goofy: Yep, I got a chill down my spine.

Donald: That was some sort of electrical shock, not a chill.

Sora: Hey guys, if I ever got turned into a creepy-Hades-voo-doo doll, what'd you think the people who got electrocuted by it would hear?

(The trio ponders this for several minutes before Sora snaps his fingers)

Sora: I got it (as an echoed voice, for absolutely no reason whatsoever): My friends are my power!...We have to save Riku and the King!...Riku! Kairi!...Have you seen Riku or the King?...You're a…girl?!...Got it memorized? Oh wait, that's not my line…Shut up! Wait that's not it either…screw it I'm done.

* * *

Shortly after the 'Battle of 1000 Heartless,' Sora decides to check on his friends at Hollow Bastion.

Tifa (to Aerith): So you're sure you haven't seen him lately?

Aerith: Nope, just that one time for about three minutes, but that was before you saw him.

Tifa: And you're sure he's not with Leon?

Aerith: Leon won't answer his phone and usually by the time I get to Ansem's study, he's gone, so I don't know.

(Elsewhere) Sora: So, tell me again why you and Cloud are hiding out over here?

Cloud (from the next room): We're not hiding!

Leon: Aerith wanted to talk about feelings again, so I told her I had to check on something with Tron.

Sora: She didn't believe you, did she?

Leon: Well, no, but at least I'm not playing hide-and-seek with a girl I have a crush on.

Cloud (now in the computer room as well): I told you, it's complicated.

Leon: You like her, she likes you, and she's currently on the hunt for you. How is that complicated?

Sora: Well, actually she and Aerith were in the square earlier.

Leon: You know what, I would continue pacing the broken study; it's safer at this point.

Sora: How is walking in a room with broken glass covering the floor safer than talking to a girl?

(Both Cloud and Leon glare at Sora) Sora:…right, I'll just go now.

* * *

Roxas: Tell me, tell me why he picked you?

Sora: Who? Did this person have munny? Did I win something? Can they tell me why I woke up in a giant egg thing in a red-onesie? Dude, you gotta give me better hints than just he. Do you realize how many 'he's I've met in the past year?

Roxas: Uh, right…I have no idea actually, it just sounded all cryptic and we're supposed to be cryptic so…yeah.

* * *

Sora: Kairi, you have changed but I-

Kairi: That's what you say to the girl you haven't seen in a year? Okay first I pass out after walking home from school and talk with some random dude in my head. Then a red-haired guy shows up at the island and I followed some random dog into a giant black hole to escape him. I get kidnapped by the red-haired guy in another town, lose red-haired guy to get kidnapped by blue-haired guy, and get rescued by a random blonde chick. Then I find out Riku's in the body of a pedophile!

(Sora looks confusedly behind Kairi to 'Ansem, Seeker of Darkness')

Sora: That's Riku?

Kairi: Yeah, messed up world isn't it?!

(Sora nods before holding out his arms for a hug)

Kairi: Fine, I forgive you.

(As the two teens hug, a devilish grin begins to grow on Sora's face, visible only to Riku)

Sora: You really _have_ changed, Kairi, and in all the right places.

Riku: Yep, definitely time to leave.

* * *

***I may add more scenes as a second chapter for the heck of it & if I think of any especially since I'd like to 'rewrite' some of the scenes with Xemnas as well as add Halloween/Christmas Town to the list.


	2. Chapter 2

And now for something completely…similar...part two, completely out of game order.

Don't know why, but I love messing with the characters of FF most. Just like Ch1 I own no one.

KH2 'Deleted' Scenes-Part 2

Once again at Hollow Bastion, Sora is now a self-declared self-help counselor.

Yuffie: …I mean the guy doesn't even have any materia I can st-borrow, plus he ignores me all the time saying he has to check on Tron.

Sora: And how does that make you feel?

Yuffie: I thought I made that clear? (Sora simply stares as Yuffie continues talking)…and yesterday I found this box of letters from someone named R. I didn't even get an explanation just a 'Go away Yuffie, this stuff is personal.' I mean seriously he should've-

Sora: Oh, so sorry, gotta go, another client. (Sora proceeds to walk across the room to Cid).

Cid: Oh no, I ain't talkin' to you no more. I found a better counselor, and she doesn't charge me.

Aerith: So how are you feeling today, Cid?

Sora: Traitor, besides I didn't charge you.

Cid: Yeah ya did, the duck collected it.

Sora (now using the glare he's learned from 'elsewhere'): Donald!

(Donald quacks in fright before bolting out of the small cottage).

* * *

Selphie: So Kairi, have Tidus and Wakka annoyed to the point that you actually miss them?

Kairi: Uh, no? Oh, but I wanted to ask if you remembered there being this brown-haired boy that-

(Kairi suddenly falls to the ground. Confused and concerned, Selphie kneels beside her)

Selphie: Whoa, are you okay? (Kairi's reply is to get up and run laughing to the shore)

Kairi(now at the shore): So, I wrote a letter to the boy I can't remember and I'm sending it out in this bottle, does that sound odd to you?

Selphie: You're sending a message in a bottle? Seriously I bet it's more likely that you guys have longs lost twins or clones that you will someday meet than that bottle actually getting to what's-his-face. Do we not have the internet, or phones for that matter?

(Much later in the game)

Riku (having found a bottle at his feet): What the-? Hey Sora, I think the bottle is for you

Sora: Bottle, who sends mail through a bottle? I mean isn't that what we have phones and the internet for?

* * *

Xemnas (monologuing as usual): Yes…Kingdom Hearts…Feast on these hearts and give me power…ah, such a pretty moon.

Saix: Xemnas is…what are you doing?

Xemnas: I'm speaking with Kingdom Hearts…go away, it's not ready yet.

Saix:…you know you talk to that thing more than I do, and _I'm_ the one called the Luna Diviner.

* * *

Sephiroth: What's Cloud up to?

Sora: Why?

Sephiroth: I'm bored standing out here looking at that dilapidated castle. I need a challenge.

Sora: Why not fight me?

Sephiroth: I'm not _that_ desperate, boy.

Sora: Hey, I'm a really good fighter. Just ask Donald and Goofy.

(the two on either side of Sora nod enthusiastically)

Sephiroth:…and I thought that red lion thing was a terror to behold. Why is it so hard to find obedient puppets these days?

* * *

Mickey: So where is Riku now then?

Ansem: Likely reuniting with his friends.

(The two look down from a higher balcony and notice Riku and Kairi slashing at a large group of Heartless. Sadly, Kairi is the only one actually getting any hits.)

Ansem: Well no _wonder_ he couldn't beat Roxas without the power of darkness, the boy has worse aim than a dizzy drunk with a blindfold on. I mean _Sora_ is doing a much better job.

Mickey: Wait, you mean the red-head? (Ansem nods). That's a _girl,_ Kairi to be exact.

Ansem: Oh, that name sounds familiar. We should send her up to defeat Xemnas, I bet she has better aim than Sora too.

* * *

(A/N: so this is related to KH2 Final Mix, but I can't remember to which Organization member the 'vortex' leads)

Pence: I'm telling you I'm not making it up.

Seifer: Look chubby, me, Rai, and Fuu are patrolling this square every day. Don't you think we'd notice a giant vortex randomly appearing?

Hayner: No, you guys are pretty ignorant of a lot of things.

Rai: Like what, ya know?

Olette: Well, where's Vivi for one?

Fuu: Sick.

Seifer: Yeah he's, wait, _that's _where he is? (Fuu nods).

Hayner: See.

Seifer: Alright fine, where does it lead?

Pence: Hey I'm not _that_ gullible. You want to know what's in it, you go.

Seifer: Where's that hyper brown-haired boy when you need him?

Sora: Hey guys, what's up?

Seifer: Right on schedule.

* * *

Hollow Bastion…again (Sora & Co. are now in the marketplace)

Leon: Okay, but did she read the letters?

Sora: I'm sorry Leon, that's confidential; I would be breaking the client-doctor contract.

Cloud (from below): I thought you were self-declared? You don't have a doctorate _or_ a contract.

Sora: Cloud, please wait your turn.

Cloud: Uh Sora, all I wanted to know was if you'd seen Sephiroth, just like practically every other time I've talked to you.

Sora: Mr. Strife, wait your turn. (Cloud sighs, shakes his head, and goes back to pacing).

Leon: Look, just tell Yuffie that I will find her whatever the heck materia is if she leaves my things alone.

Sora: Yeah, whatever.

TWTNW TWTNWTWTNWTWTNW TWTNW TWTNW

Sora: Are you done rambling?

Xigbar: Rambling? As…hold on a second. (Xigbar takes a phone out from nowhere and dials a number. A muffled voice can be heard answering).

'Muffled Voice': Hello

Xigbar: Hey, whose day is it to monologue?...No I didn't look at the stupid 'wheel of jobs' you gambling addict…Will you just look at the stupid wheel for me?

Sora: What's he doing?

Goofy: Using a phone.

Sora: I can see that, who the heck is he calling?

(Donald and Goofy shrug)

Xigbar (now back to conversing): Xemnas? Again! He's been the primary monologue person for the past two weeks! I bet he rigged it again the cheater…No, ugh, I guess I'll just fight the little twerp then.

Sora: They're all insane every last one of them. I mean they take turns to monologue?

(Again Donald and Goofy simply shrug)

* * *

Riku: There is one advantage to being me, something _you_ could never imitate.

Sora: What?

Riku: Having you for a best friend.

Sora: You're kidding me, right?

Riku: What?

Sora: Dude come on, that was worse than the whole 'My friends are power' thing I did while I still wore that one-sie thing. You know I still wonder why my mom bought me that thing.

Riku: Believe me, all of us wondered that.

Sora: It was cozy though.

Riku: No, it was wrong and awkward on so many levels.

Sora: Yeah like the parachute pants were any better.

Riku: Probably not, but at least neither us have random man-skirts or stuff like that.

Sora: Ya know sadly, I've met guys that do, but I totally don't get it.

A note about the last scene, I seriously did wonder what was up with Riku/Xehanort's Heartless' skirt in the 1st game & Cloud's cape/skirt in the 2nd game so that's where the last lines came from.

So, I want to add one more chapter as I haven't yet added Namine or the trio of Yuna, Rikku, and Paine; or Halloween/Christmas Town, the Pride Lands, or Tron's world. This time though, I'll take some requests as well. Just name a scene you'd like to see redone, include your name or sign your review and I'll dedicate your scene to you when I post the final part.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3- I think you can guess what to expect; a guest appearance by Roxas in this one when Sora wasn't awake yet.

I actually own someone! All the non-Easter related characters are not mine though.

KH2 'Deleted' Scenes-Finale

_Dedicated to my best friend (she knows who she is)._

(My first play-through, I failed to notice that Pence was holding a camera for this scene & my lip-reading sucked, so many other words popped into my head for the blank, this suggestion came from my friend).

Pence: Guys, our _ are gone!

Roxas: Our what?

Pence: Our _, Roxas! Our _!

Roxas: … Okay…what letter does it start with?

Pence: P

Olette: Our pictures?

Hayner: Come on Olette like it's really as simple as pictures. I mean seriously, using a synonym should not be allowed.

Roxas: Well, what about our parents?

Hayner: I thought they were all still on that yearly Caribbean pirate cruise thing.

Roxas: Oh, yeah. Okay, what other words start with the letter P?

Pence:…but, Olette…

Hayner: Pence, not now, Rox and I are trying to figure this out.

Olette: Idiots.

* * *

_For Random KH Fan_

(Overly excited about seeing Donald and Goofy, Sora and his companions commence a very stupid looking ring-around-the-rosy dance).

Jiminy: Well, that was some nap!

Sora: Wait, we were asleep? Whatever, so what were we going to do? Oh, yeah, look for Riku.

Goofy: Is that what your journal says Jiminy?

Jiminy: Uh, no, it says 'Thank Namine.'

Donald: That doesn't help us. We don't even know who that is.

Jiminy: Well, uh, how about we find out where we are then?

Sora: Yeah, maybe we'll find someone who knows who Namine is.

(Several scenes commence where Sora, Donald, and Goofy ask everyone they can find if they know someone named Namine).

Sora: Unbelievable, nothing. It's…like she doesn't even really exist.

Goofy: Maybe she moved.

Sora: Huh, I guess that's possible.

Donald: I vote for a new journal keeper, or maybe we should at least have this stuff backed up somewhere.

Jiminy: I don't have the budget for a computer. Why do you think I have all these notebooks?

* * *

_Dedicated to Flightfoot_

Ursula (singing for an unknown reason): This is not the end, my dears I swear I've just begun. It's not until Ursula has won!

Sora: …but, you lost and pretty quickly too, I mean seriously is singing your weakness or something?

Ursula: You foolish child I have no-

Sora (singing in a melody similar to Ursula's): Oh it's now the end you see, I hope that you are done. Cause' listening to your singing is not fun!

Ursula: Ah, you're a terrible singer.

Sora: Please, you want terrible, I'll show you terrible. (singing…again): Donald and Goofy loyal companions… hasten to my side. Crush Ursula's eardrums, make her writhe!

Donald and Goofy (singing unbelievably off-key): …It's a small world after all, it's a small world…

Ursula: Alright, alright child, you win, just make them stop.

Sora: Maybe I should have you guys sing our other enemies into surrender too. It was save so much time.

* * *

(After nearly tripping over the blonde girl he _so_did not see standing there, Roxas is…surprised, to say the least).

Namine: Hello Roxas.

Roxas:…uh? Where did you come from?

Namine: I wanted to meet you, at least once.

Roxas: um, that's nice, stalker. So, who are you?

Namine: Oh, my name is currently of no importance. I'll find you later. Bye.

Roxas: Should I be…concerned?

Namine: Nope.

* * *

Scar: Must this all end in violence?

Sora: Well, we can try singing. Timon and Pumba taught us this great song.

Scar: I…I think I'll just stick with the violence.

Sora: Your choice.

* * *

Luxord:…and this Heartless-a veritable maelstrom of avarice…

Goofy: A mall-what of ava-who?

Sora:…uh, you mean the thingy with the weird axe?

Luxord: Yes, a mael-

Sora: Yeah, yeah, whatever. You're gonna make us fight it, aren't you?

_Captain_ Jack: You know every time you come here two things happen: I end up in more fights than if I was visiting Tortuga and there is a shortage on rum.

Sora: What? But I only had some that one time, and it wasn't even that much. How can the rum be gone?

Captain Jack: That's what I want to know.

* * *

Sora: Ok, so Christmas Town is through the little tree thing, but what's through those other doors?

Jack: Well, through the heart-shaped door is a strange place where flying infants are shooting arrows and handing out chocolates. Through that green door I saw little men running around with pots of gold while normal-sized people were wishing each other a 'Happy St. Patty's Day' while drinking from large glass mugs.

Goofy: So what about the egg door?

Jack: Haven't gone there yet.

Sora: Well we're going there today.

(Sora walks up to the 'egg door' and jumps in soon followed by Goofy, Donald, and Jack. Upon landing Sora looks up to find a rabbit about his own height as blue as his eyes.

Large blue rabbit: Hello. My name is Razzle Bunny. What're your names?

Sora: Uh…my name is of no importance?

Razzle Bunny: Ok, welcome to Easterville. Over there you can dye eggs, down the lane is where Peter Cottontail lives, but he's pretty full of himself. For anything chocolate just head down the path to the right, any questions can be directed to me or any other brightly colored rabbits. So, any questions?

Jack: You know I think this one is the worst I've been too. It's even brighter than Christmas Town and not in a good way either.

Sora: Yeah, I think we'll just be going then.

Razzle Bunny: Ok, bye.

(After the quartet arrive back in Halloween Town)

Sora: Ok, well never going there again.

Donald: I thought it looked fun.

Goofy: If the rabbits are bigger than the dogs, there is something wrong.

* * *

(Hollow Bastion…I'm lost count of how many scenes I've done here).

Goofy: Your Majesty, watch out! (Goofy, in a completely unnecessary act of heroism pushes Mickey out of the way of a boulder that was flying over Mickey's head anyways).

Mickey, Donald, & Sora: Goofy!

Donald: Oh, Goofy…

Sora: This…is not happening. It can't be happening!

Donald:…I'm sorry about the ice cream.

Sora: What?

Donald: It's a long story.

Sora: Uh, do I want to hear this story?

Donald:…no.

* * *

Tron: With that configuration, you must be Users.

Sora: Users? Hey, man I do not do drugs.

Tron: No, that's not the kind of user I meant.

Donald: Then what's a user?

Tron: Well it's a word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." (A/N: 3 cheers for urban dictionary)

Goofy: Hey, there's no need to be rude.

Tron: Oh, sorry. Say, would you three like to help me get out of this cell?

Sora: Why not? It's not like we have anything better to do.

* * *

(Yeah…take a guess)

Yuna: Excuse me, would you know where we can find some treasure?

Sora: Have you tried the billion or so treasure chests sitting out in the open?

Rikku: See Yunie, I told you they were probably finders keepers losers weepers.

Yuna:Rikku, it's not nice to steal from the common man.

Paine: I thought that's why we're looking for that Leon guy?

Goofy: I don't think he has too much besides that strange sword.

Rikku: We're fairies, what the heck are we going to do with a sword?

Paine: Pawn it?

Yuna: Hmm…So, where can we find this Leon guy?

Sora: Seriously, your guess is as good as mine. Finding him is about as bad as finding Cloud, I swear they have a radar on them or something.

* * *

Kairi: Sora!... Riku!...bottle…shore…ran…tired now. (Kairi, still panting from her run, hands Sora a bottle)

Sora: A bottle? Again?

Riku: Hey, it's the World Wide Ocean, a million times slower than the Internet, but just as effective.

Kairi:…what's the letter say?

Sora: Huh? Oh, let's see:

"Dear Sora, Riku, and Kairi,

How are things going? I have a favor to ask, a strange vortex appeared in the castle the other day. Sora, can you come check it out? The

group in Twilight Town said you're good with that sort of thing. Also, I feel like I'm forgetting something or maybe someone in the darkness. So,

another question: will the three of you be willing to go fight more Heartless, Nobodies, or other creatures that Ansem and his apprentices

somehow managed to create while missing another school year? Thanks for all the help. Hope to see you soon (these bottles seem to take much

longer than necessary to get anywhere though).

King Mickey"

Riku: Vortex thing?

Sora: Don't ask. They all owe me _so_ much ice cream after that.

Kairi: What do you think he means about forgetting something in the darkness?

Sora: Not a clue, but I'm sure we'll find out eventually.

* * *

I'm guessing the letter at least asked Sora to go hunt more creatures down, but not a clue as to what else it might have said. Thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed. Hope you've all gotten a laugh from these scenes. I have a feeling this won't be the end of my parodies, at least in general. Might be directing more hits at the Final Fantasies.


End file.
